Do the world a favor and give yourself a vasectomy. Use your dick as a knife sharpener and play with what's left. FunFact I once stabbed a woman in the ovary.
I just don't feel like installing hydraulic pistons on my schlong. Why would my brothers use tampons? Twisties, the best adult porn site.
Is it considered humane or inhumane to sexually stimulate an animal? And is it cheating? Oral sex keeps the babies away!
Long Story Short the best lube is Glide. Look for it.
-so and so, 2009