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folder icon   06-28-2009, 08:56 AM
Five Days, Eight Minutes Post #1
Bryndon

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I get married at 2pm EST, Saturday 4th July. There will most likely be a few weeks radio silence as we go on honeymoon, go to Brisbane and [hopeful]get internet to our new place[/hopeful], so yeah.

I love you guys, you're like an abusive boyfriend who's been breaking glass bottles against my jaw for years. I have to keep coming back cause I know you just have a strange way of showing you care.

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 10:13 AM
Post #2
dimitri583

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congratulations motherfucker! worry not, the physical and sexual abuse will continue when you return!

*prepares lube and chainsaw*

i was like really, who gets married on the 4th of july? and then i remembered that its american independence day, not global independence day, and that date means nothing in australia. regardless, i still think your wedding reception should be full of fireworks and crazy pyrotechnics! and the food should consist of backyard grilling cuisine, such as hot dogs and hamburgers. but only the finest hot dogs and hamburgers. it is your wedding after all!

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 11:24 AM
Post #3
TheMadMac

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CRAZY.

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 11:35 AM
Post #4
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I'm not going to be there, sorry. But still, gratuliert!

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 12:16 PM
Post #5
so and so

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congrats man! Just remember, never ever yell at her! No matter the circumstances, or who's right or wrong. The second you do, she'll realize you're willing to do that, and then she'll start yelling at every opportunity possible. It's not about being pussywhipped - you should stand up for yourself, just not with a raised voice. When she does yell, just take a deep breath, calmly tell her you love her, and then say no, to whatever it is she wants, and say why. I wish I had the restraint to follow this advice. Oh, and as for the sex thing, try to keep that going as long as possible. Every sexual relationship is a highwire balancing act because you don't know exactly what she wants, how often, or how she wants to be treated, and she won't tell you. Most people are embarassed to. You don't want to come across as too eager or too distant...

Long story short, the best lube is Glide. Look for it.

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 03:04 PM
Post #6
Funderbunk

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'Cause I heard it in the wind
And I saw it in the sky
And I thought it was the end
And I thought it was the 4th of july.


Congratz you wonderful bastard.

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 05:50 PM
Post #7
The_Stoic_Watcher

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Where's my invite you crazy god fearing bastard! haha

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 07:59 PM
Post #8
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hahahahaha Sellout... or Maybe lucky....

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 10:12 PM
Post #9
Zorax

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I'm going to roll an honourary D20 to see the extent of my wedding blessings for you, Bryndan.

Are you ready?
Here goes...

Holy shit, it's actually a natural twenty. I didn't even make that up!

I... what more can I say, man?

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folder icon   06-28-2009, 10:54 PM
Post #10
dimitri583

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pics or it didnt happen!

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folder icon   06-29-2009, 05:03 PM
Post #11
Urin_BloodfaceII

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Agree with Dim, but gratz!

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folder icon   06-29-2009, 07:38 PM
Post #12
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without pics I presume she's fat I.E. made for you. You deserve her.

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folder icon   06-29-2009, 08:18 PM
Post #13
Zorax

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dimitri583
pics or it didnt happen!

Yes, because a picture of a die in a certain position certainly couldn't be faked.

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folder icon   06-29-2009, 08:55 PM
Post #14
the12thman

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exactly, how could you fake it

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folder icon   06-29-2009, 10:52 PM
Post #15
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don't forget your robe and wizard hat

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folder icon   06-30-2009, 12:23 AM
Post #16
Zorax

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I don't even need to prove anything you people. I already know that I rolled a natural 20 in blessing Bryndon's marriage, and that he's going to have the best conceivable marriage possible as a result, with a swarm at least 3d4 screaming toddlers forthcoming.

Edit: Alright, alright. Let me roll that too. Hang on.

Yeesh: ten screaming children. That's like CR 15 to raise them, plus daily fort and wil saves.

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folder icon   06-30-2009, 12:45 AM
Post #17
dimitri583

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorax
Yes, because a picture of a die in a certain position certainly couldn't be faked.

well i mean, sure, if you were of low moral fiber sir, but i expected more of you!

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folder icon   06-30-2009, 02:38 AM
Post #18
The_Stoic_Watcher

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Wow just think its going to be Bryndon;s first time in a few days lol.
Enjoy the 26 seconds Bryndon! It will be so awkward you wont try again for another month

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folder icon   06-30-2009, 12:48 PM
Post #19
Zorax

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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Stoic_Watcher
Wow just think its going to be Bryndon;s first time in a few days lol.
Enjoy the 26 seconds Bryndon! It will be so awkward you wont try again for another month


Speaking from experience, I take it?

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 04:09 AM
Post #20
The_Stoic_Watcher

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I'm not going to lie that my first time wasnt incredibly fucking awkward lol.

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 11:19 AM
Post #21
Kris

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I guess my invitation got lost in the mail

Congradulations Jerk

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 02:29 PM
Post #22
Zorax

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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Stoic_Watcher
I'm not going to lie that my first time wasnt incredibly fucking awkward lol.

Haha really? That sucks.
Dare I ask?

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 03:21 PM
Post #23
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I was drunk and stoned my first time. I was like a fox!!!

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 03:40 PM
Post #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Stoic_Watcher
I'm not going to lie that my first time wasnt incredibly fucking awkward lol.

I'm going to concede to that, hell even to the first time being like half a minute, but not to not trying again for a whole fucking month. Are you crazy?

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folder icon   07-01-2009, 05:38 PM
Post #25
dimitri583

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jackdaw
I was drunk and stoned my first time. I was like a fox!!!

you know, thats probably the best way to do it on the first time. first times are usually not exactly medal winning attempts... its best when you can barely remember

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 02:38 AM
Post #26
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My first was fun. She was into it.

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 02:56 AM
Post #27
so and so

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You just gotta ease your way into it. The first couple times I just fooled around with a girl. I always start with her first. By the time I actually had sex, I'd already given the woman like five orgasms, so once we got started, I was already past the overexcitement stage and was able to go for a good while.

Or is this too much information?

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 07:16 AM
Post #28
Bryndon

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Candidly, its what I was thinking of doing so as to compensate for my noobishness. Thus, I now believe I am on the right track and you have provided exactly the right amount of information

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 11:03 AM
Post #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryndon
Candidly, its what I was thinking of doing so as to compensate for my noobishness. Thus, I now believe I am on the right track and you have provided exactly the right amount of information
Coincidentally, some academic sexperts claim that the major part of the sexual act should be oral sex, and the major part of oral sex should be with the woman as the receiver. I, with very humble amount of experience, agree. Making a woman come is about 100 times easier using your tongue and finger, than using your man stick. It's strangely enjoyable as well, not to mention that is makes the actual act of penetrating so much easier. Men who will not perform cunnilingus are at a severe disadvantage.

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 03:19 PM
Post #30
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I second that. Also, girly squirt in face is strangely satisfying and hilarious.

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 10:20 PM
Post #31
so and so

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I feel we're all slowly turning into DJ now, in this thread, but just to emphasize the point, oral sex keeps the babies away, until you actually want them.

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folder icon   07-02-2009, 11:57 PM
Post #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by so and so
I feel we're all slowly turning into DJ now, in this thread
How so?

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folder icon   07-03-2009, 08:48 AM
Post #33
Bryndon

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There is no correlation between "DJ" and "sex with girls".

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folder icon   07-03-2009, 09:24 AM
Post #34
so and so

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Yeah, but it's hard to talk about without a guttermouth. I guess the main thing, Bryndon, is just enjoy it while you can because long term, marriage = no sex. I hope you can prove me wrong.

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"Any country that owes their existence to the french doesn't deserve to be a country." - Love
"i only eat yogurt with a minimum ph of 4.5." - Pld
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folder icon   07-03-2009, 10:07 AM
Post #35
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So and So, there might perhaps come a time when you realize that not everyone is alike, and that generalizations never work. You might even come to understand that giving advice based on your own generalizations about life is most probably bad advice. When this happens, have a hefty dose of beer at hand, because your life will be shook in its foundation.

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