Joined: Jul 18 2001
-Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.
Letís say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Donít worry, the man was already dead. Or maybe you should worry, because youíre the one who shot him.
He had been a big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps, a tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. Teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs, you know the type. And youíre chopping off his head because, even with eight bullet holes in him, youíre pretty sure heís about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.
On the follow-through of the last swing, though, the handle of the ax snaps in a spray of splinters. You now have a broken ax. So, after a long night of looking for a place to dump the man and his head, you take a trip into town with your ax. You go to the hardware store, explaining away the dark reddish stains on the broken handle as barbecue sauce. You walk out with a brand new handle for your ax.
The repaired ax sits undisturbed in your garage until the next spring when, on one rainy morning, you find in your kitchen a creature that appears to be a foot-long slug with a bulging egg sac on its tail. Its jaws bite one of your forks in half with what seems like very little effort. You grab your trusty ax and chop the thing into several pieces. On the last blow, however, the ax strikes a metal leg of the overturned kitchen table and chips out a notch right in the middle of the blade.
Of course, a chipped head means yet another trip to the hardware store. They sell you a brand new head for your ax. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year. Heís also got a new head, stitched on with what looks like plastic weed trimmer line, and itís wearing that unique expression of ďyouíre the man who kil ed me last winterĒ resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
You brandish your ax. The guy takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, ďThatís the same ax that slayed me!Ē
...Is he right?
~ John Dies at the End. David Wong.
Я играю сука для тебя, Моя прекрасная отражение. Ни одна женщина никогда не сравнится.
Я ни псих или героя
Listen to my words. Fear not for I am an Angel, I Love you and I will guide you. ~ Malkavian Bible
"I am only a Product of your Necessity"
~ Jack The Prophet, The Book of Jack
Joined: Aug 30 2004
Location: Twisting Netherlands
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I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, - 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?' - 'No', said the priest, 'not if you did not know.' - 'Then why,' asked the Eskimo earnestly, 'did you tell me?' - Annie Dillard
Joined: Jul 05 2006
Here the answer is a definitive NO, because he was only beheaded by the ax, not slain. David shot him.
Why'd you mix up the book and movie versions? The movie version makes no sense. He's supposed to exclaim "That's the same ax that beheaded me!" Plus, the movie cuts out the plot twist that makes the ax riddle relevant in the first place.
I also highly recommend the sequel, "This Book Is Full Of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It"
Fun fact: David Wong is the lead editor for Cracked.com and the titular John is Cracked contributor John Cheese. Both are fake names.
"All of the windows I have open on my desktop are letting out the cool air of my productivity." - Alan Tudyk
Last edited by Funderbunk on 05-27-2013 at 10:07 AM.