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Bipolar Disorder  
folder icon   03-23-2008, 08:36 AM
Bipolar Disorder Post #1
jackdaw

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the bipolar illness consists of several related symptoms; it is however most known for its violent moodswings.
the swings can focus on any emotion for as long as 5 minutes to a week (on average) usually these are triggered by minor events or small deatails in life and blown out of proportion
for example, i could be perfectly fine and cheerful; and then see one of my friends talking the girl i like; and all of a sudden i'm so pissed off i have to leave school...then i get severely depressed over "what i might have lost" that i lock myself in my room for hours at a time listening to "dark" music.

then for no reason i cheer up again



simular to the the mood swings is the Manic swings. this is where bipolar gets its name.
two extremes are met, an Insane Manic High and a Dangerous depression low, both of which are experianced for simmular reasons as the swings, the difference being mania and depression have the potential to come in pattern as apposed to Cause and Effect.

there is virtually little to no middle grounds



as time progresses untreated, or if the host selfmedicates with various narcotics and other drugs, the illness were began progress and develop into uncontrollable developments

the depression and despair can lead to involentary suicidal thoughts, and the Mania can lead to delusions and granduer thoughts.
both can lead to Psychosis

the delusions in my case were of religion or past fears, both of which really fucked me up in the long run, and can even become hulucenations





i was Diagnosed at forteen though i have suffered manic and depressive thoughts since 11

at the age of 14 i was commitited to Cedar Springs; a mental institution in colorado.

i'm on good meds now and, usually, feel healthy



if you have any questions feel free to ask

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folder icon   03-23-2008, 08:51 AM
Post #2
Urin_BloodfaceII

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What medicine do you use?
What religious delusions did you have?

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folder icon   03-23-2008, 09:32 AM
Post #3
Zilor

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I'm also curious what meds you are on, I was recently diagnosed with a type of bipolar disorder and what they have tried giving me so far has only made things worse or done nothing at all.

Week long rage filled blackouts and a strong desire to kill myself is all the meds have been able to give me so far.

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folder icon   03-23-2008, 10:07 AM
Post #4
jackdaw

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it usually takes several months to a few years to get the right med combo working, it took me three years worth of shitty doctors before i was assigned to Dr. Harizan. great guy


they started me on just Welbutrin, its supposed to be a miracle drug that can even help with quiting smoking...but...
when your bibolar you need two possbly 3 types of pills; the ANTIdepresant is a given, with that it is VITAL to have a MOODstabalizer to control your Manic swings. sometimes you need ANTIpsychotics to prevent...well...involuntary psychosis

when they gave me webutrin without the moodstabelazir i started seeing read and had sick images of cuts on my face...ended up dicing my arm a bit



currently i take LITHIUM (gread mood stabalizer but you have to get your blood levels checked every few months) effexor (anti depressant) Lemictal (mood stabalizer and i think an antipsychoic) and my favorite; respiratol (ant psychotic that has strong "sedative" qualities...if you get put on this one you need to know the first week (sometiemes) you get ED


but really, its all about your doctor, what he knows and is capable



and on the subject of meds, i made things alot worse after the welbutrin failed and began to take various drugs, alcohol, weed, cocaine, pain killers and opium...take my advice...DO NOT do that.

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Listen to my words. Fear not for I am an Angel, I Love you and I will guide you. ~ Malkavian Bible

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folder icon   03-23-2008, 10:12 AM
Post #5
jackdaw

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i first felt despair when i was 12, i recently moved to a new town that was hell and with the disorder i couldnt deal with it. my dad was a episcapal priest at the time and i felt like god abandoned me...though the next six years i clung hopelessly to the idea of "someday" finding god.

i began studying Witchcraft, i was to impatiant to actually read the books, so when that failed i began to dance different pagan faiths for five years...always to no avail, it seemed like i was dead to religion...

i even tried summing demons and the dead into my room...really fucked up the vibes.


i'm better now, but even today when i get psychotic (the illness will surface occasionally no matter how good your meds are) i begin obsessing over old gods and trying to find away "back in"

this is common, many patiants uses dilussions to excape from the pain of ANXIETY or DEPRESSION...

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Я играю сука для тебя, Моя прекрасная отражение. Ни одна женщина никогда не сравнится.

Я ни псих или героя

Listen to my words. Fear not for I am an Angel, I Love you and I will guide you. ~ Malkavian Bible

"I am only a Product of your Necessity"
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folder icon   03-23-2008, 04:09 PM
Post #6
Kjell Thusaud

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jackdaw
...this is common, many patiants uses dilussions to excape from the pain of ANXIETY or DEPRESSION.

Hey, that could really work for me!

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folder icon   03-25-2008, 01:34 AM
Post #7
VeeGee

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heh, i feel for you jackdaw.

im currently being diagnosed, and so far we've concluded im suffering from disithemia (prolonged light depression) with psychotic clinical depression episodes and a little bit of OCD and anxiety attacks. I've self diagnosed myself with borderline personality disorder, guess I'll have to try and persuade the man. I'm starting medication for the first time in my life (well, for the first time seriously after the army, where there are clowns instead of doctors who just let you do what you want without supervision), after self medicating myself with weed and alcohol for the past 8 years. You're right, it does not do good.
My psychosis mainly is thinking sometimes that people are trying to poison me, but i affiliate that mostly to smoking tons of weed and getting a whole paranoia thing going on. im hoping it will go away now again, it's resurfacing after happening a few years ago, only this time im being treated and back then i was too freaked out to talk about it.

I only started the meds a week ago, so far the only difference I'm feeling is that I'm sleeping worse or not at all. Got to love side effects.
I kind of smashed some of my wooden closet in a fit of rage this night, bruised my knuckles, luckily not to a bloody pulp this time, it was over pretty quickly somehow i managed to control myself. I felt a kind of serenity after that (im guessing its the adrenaline or the natural pain killers your body releases), but couldn't fall asleep none the less and kept reading over and over a letter i wrote to my ex girlfriend im probably never going to send. luckily im meeting the therapist in 2 hours, i havent had a fit like that in 5 years. fuck, just after having a great weekend and all too.

the most horrible thing is, after having an elevated spirit, is the long fall down, right? for me its harder every time.

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folder icon   03-25-2008, 06:26 AM
Post #8
Urin_BloodfaceII

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Well I have a hope that most people are logical. So get to a psychiatrist/priest and talk about your problems.

PS: Do not do drugs or try to summon the undead and diceing ones arm, has not helped anyone in the long run. Join us atheists and accept that things are shitty and stop that old gods BS. Read philosophy instead. I would recommend Soeren Kierkegaard if your Christian or Sartre if your not.

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folder icon   03-25-2008, 06:33 AM
Post #9
Zilor

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They gave me a few things about a year ago and it has scared me off of really trying anything since.

They gave me an anti-depressant, Welbutrin I believe, an anti-anxiety med which I forget, and something for ADD for no good reason, Adderall I think it was called but I may be wrong.

I had tons of energy and limitless amounts of anger, I tore down a whole section of my wall from celing to floor leaving my fists bloody and cut with bits of wood and dry wall stuck in them, when I calmed down I had to rebuild and repaint a 8 foot tall 4 foot wide section of my room.

I cut my arm about 200 times having never before cut, I was pretty sure I was going to bleed to death but I didn't. I guess it looked like more than it was. When it became apparent I wasn't going to die I started beating the shit out of my arm with my left fist trying to get more blood flow going, all I ended up doing was spraying everything with blood and causing my arm to bruise and well.

I devloped a habit of driving with my eyes closed too, get up to 80 or 90 and see how long I could go with my eyes closed.

At one point I wanted to kill my self so badly, but I felt guilty cause I know how much it would hurt people in my family, so I started thinking I would have to kill them first before I could kill myself.

It's funny because a month before I got all depressed I was at the time the happiest I had ever been, and then I just fell one day and for a month I was misserable, wanted to die, wanted to kill, was just a mess. Then one day everything seemed better, and it's been a little over a year of things being okay with only day long or 2 day long depressions here or there.

The real bad thing about it though is it has made me really paranoid to be happy, when I'm happy I always have this really bad feeling that I'm going to go nuts again, and it kind of taints every good moment.

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folder icon   03-25-2008, 08:31 AM
Post #10
jackdaw

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the worse parts for me are the fear/anxiety

i've become dependant on my meds and so used to "semi-sanity" that i can no longer function or deal with lack thereof. depression shuts me down entirely, while it use to invigorate me with "the dark side" (look up some of my older posts)
Mania was horrible back in the day, pacing the room rapidedly muttering to myself and throwing up hand movements...and the anxiety





when they put me on welbutrin....


i was 14, maybe late 13, and had recently moved to Scottsbluff Nebraska. my "friends who i really dont give a damn about" got me into cigarettes (which will function as a mood stabilizer if you give it a risk)
it took months of swinging in the DARK SIDE/gothic spree before i finnally had enough...i spent 3 days asking my mom to get me a doctor so i can get "happy pills"
it happened.

they told me to take this blue pill (without a mood stabillizer) and it would Help.

so i took it...

two hours later my vision was in a pinkish haze, my thoughts were racing incoerantly and my sense of balance was loopy. Darkness....like never before; suicide and fear of hurting others....
so i stumbled into the bathroom next to my basement room and set down. the tears fell easy.
i did not hullucinate, but looked to the mirror and saw cuts runn ing down my face. my desperation to not disfiigure my face led to several long slashes on my left wrist..
THIS IS PSYCHOSIS (duh)

during this time, to dealk with it, i took 4 for webutriin pills beacause "it would help"



PM me you guys need any help

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Я играю сука для тебя, Моя прекрасная отражение. Ни одна женщина никогда не сравнится.

Я ни псих или героя

Listen to my words. Fear not for I am an Angel, I Love you and I will guide you. ~ Malkavian Bible

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folder icon   03-26-2008, 07:04 AM
Post #11
VeeGee

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Funnily enough, medications do not always help, and one of the worst side effects is a hightend sense of depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as in Zilor's case, severe cases of mania and violent outbursts and thoughts.

The results vary. Some people claim meds changed their lives, some are resistant to any kind of treatment, others feel better after taking placebo pills. I don't know what to believe. I guess it's a curve, 20 percent wont succeed, 60 percent will succeed in varying degress, and 20 percent will succeed no matter what. Or some other bullshit like that.

Urin - I think the case with depression is that because of a very logical view of the world you suffer an emotional breakdown. People with depression have a more realistic view of themselves such as their intelligence, their looks, their social status, differentiating than 'normal' (and I say normal with skepticism, as there is no set rules of what is really normal or abnormal) people who posses a set of denial mechanism that allows them to not see their flaws, or not dwell on them.

All that alongside a sense of hopelessness, if it deteriorates it becomes a prophecy that fullfils itself. A person with clinical depression gets a sense of lonliness and inadequacy, and takes the neccessary steps to accomodate his life to these feelings.

It's very easy to say 'snap out of it', but it's not a mood. It's an illness. It's like me telling you to snap out of your haemophillia.

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folder icon   06-09-2008, 07:06 PM
Post #12
PålädÌÑ

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Wow, biopolar is scary shit. I had a friend with that. He started using meth and went crazy... and thats all she wrote.

That is very big of everyone to admit having a situation like this, and i have more respect for you guys. And best wishs!

Also as for the god thing you must be your own god.

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folder icon   06-29-2008, 08:56 AM
Post #13
K0d0

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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeeGee

The results vary. Some people claim meds changed their lives, some are resistant to any kind of treatment, others feel better after taking placebo pills. I don't know what to believe. I guess it's a curve, 20 percent wont succeed, 60 percent will succeed in varying degress, and 20 percent will succeed no matter what. Or some other bullshit like that.

And some, like Stephen Fry for example, claim that they would never choose to be rid of their mental sickness, since it is a part of their identity. I dont know though, it is all very individual and people deal with their issues in different ways.

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folder icon   07-01-2008, 08:30 PM
Post #14
<< azure-draco >>

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I was diagnosed as 'obsessive-depressive' by my doctor about 4 years ago. I was on meds (Paxil) and had a therapist. While the meds helped a little, nothing else seemed to change much. I was depressive, had violent moodswings and was sometimes even suicidal for about two years. I stopped doing the things I liked like making artwork, and that was the worst. I felt like nothing without my artwork.

Then one day I moved out of my parents house. Slowly I started to feel better again. It took me another whole year for the bad feelings to stop and I even started enjoying my hobbies again.

So, I guess for me it was my repressive, negative family environment that caused me to be depressed. My parents would do terribe things that were traumatizing for me, such destroying my artwork (it was 'evil' after all. Dragons and fantasy is against the Christian GOD!) and belongings, throw knives, call me names, and threaten abandonment.

Jackdaw, Zilor, Veegee..I wish you all luck. Having problems like that sucks ass and I can relate. I don't know if 'obsessive-depressive' is related to bipolar, but I thought it'd good to voice my experience.

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folder icon   07-02-2008, 02:34 AM
Post #15
Kjell Thusaud

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Your parents threw knives at you?

Harsh!

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folder icon   07-02-2008, 03:19 PM
Post #16
<< azure-draco >>

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Well, it was only kitchen knives, not a huge deal. But still..NOT COOL.

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folder icon   07-04-2008, 04:56 AM
Post #17
Kjell Thusaud

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Throwing knives=bad parenting

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Teach a player to fish, and next week he’ll show up with the book, “The Complete Adventuring Fisherman”. He’ll start hunting for some monstrous leviathan to catch and enslave, and he’ll be dual-wielding two fishing poles
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